The following may help you to understand what youth and high school basketball is all about. I have condensed many opinions and beliefs to form the following. Please keep an open mind when reading.

Do I Understand What My Child Wants?

The most important question that any parent must ponder is: how serious is your son/daughter about playing competitive basketball? About 10 years ago I saw Rolland Todd (former UNLV Coach) give a clinic on how to motivate/coach players. He said something that I remember and have since tried to adopt as my philosophy. Coach Todd said that each individual has different motives why they play sports/basketball. A few players want to be the best (college bound), others want to be good (usually decent high school players), a few are just happy to be on the team and lastly, there are some that don't wish to be out there if it wasn't for their parents pushing them. He went on to explain that a coach must understand what each player wants out of basketball to properly coach and motivate that individual. Obviously, you cannot motivate a player if he does not want to be a good player.

The Pendulum Always Swings!

I do find it amusing that some parents believe a player, team and a coach are only as good as the previous game they have just played/coached in. A team could have just played a game and played well, and then the next game they play poorly and lose by 10. According to some parents, it's time to push the old panic button. Are you serious? When a team or a player plays poorly, let's take a deep breath. It happens to everyone at some point.

I love when parents blame the coach. I realize it's up to the coach to motivate, adjust and substitute. But a coach can't make free throws, lay-ups and doesn't make the pass that flies into the stands. There are many parents that can be way too critical. Remember, this IS A GAME. A sport. An activity that is supposed to be fun. Support your kid. Support your team. Hey, even support your coach. They are not out to throw the game intentionally. They are not trying to embarrass your family name. They all usually have good intentions.

Do I look at My Son's Abilities with Rose Colored Glasses?

Parent's have a tendency to look at their son's positives and usually can't find their weaknesses. There is a reason why players get more playing time than others. Yes, often times a player gets more playing time over another individual because he has more strengths, but also because he has fewer weaknesses. It is very important to know that usually for every good aspect the child offers, he is probably deficient in another area. It is also very crucial that parents and coaches design a program so the child overcomes these weaknesses. An example of this is if a player has slow feet we need to get him into plyometrics to become quicker. It is crucial that each individual parent and coach understands the child's weaknesses and tries to develop these into strengths.

Do I Teach My Child to Stick With It?

Playing experience is VERY valuable. But the competition for playing experience is even more important. If your child isn't getting the playing time, what is he going to do about it? It's all about earning time and competing to be the best. I call it the fight or flight syndrome. It's easy to say, "Ok, Johnny isn't playing so let's go somewhere else." My question is, has Johnny worked hard enough to get time? And if he has, can he work EVEN harder? What we need to see a little more these days are: "when the going gets tough, we are there." And lets face it, if your son is sitting and he isn't working harder than he probably will never be a player. It's probably not important. Those are the facts!

Do I Understand This is a Long-Term Commitment?

There will be times that each team and each player will have their ups and downs. Get used to it. It's called basketball. It's no different at the high school, the college and the professional levels. It is the way each player, parent and coach deals with this adversity that shows the true character of an individual.

Every player will face adversity at some point in every game, every month, and throughout the entire season. The easiest way out is, "I quit," or "I'll just find another team". Parents always want what's best for their kids. They want their child happy and successful. As coaches we want the same. We also know that we think about the team as a whole and not just one kid.

I hear all the time, "why isn't my son (or daughter) playing?" First of all, it should be remembered that each coach is responsible for playing time. If you have a problem about playing time, go to the coach and ask. You should, however, do about it in a professional manner and not during the heat of the battle (right after a game). Also, as a former varsity coach I know it is a lot more positive if a parent goes to a coach and asks, "How can my son get more playing time?" rather than," Why doesn't he play?!"

To be a good player these days a parent must also sacrifice time and money. I have noticed the players at the high school level that struggle the most usually come from the parents that just don't get it. The support often times has not been consistent over the years. Never the less, you should always seek quality instruction for your child whenever possible. Don't use the old saying, "It's too far" or "I don't have the time." Make time. You only go through this experience once in a lifetime. Be flexible. Have fun.

Do I Allow the Coach to Guide my Child in Practice and Games?

Being a former high school coach, I can't tell you how discouraging it is to have players look into the stands when they make a mistake. A player at any level cannot concentrate on what is before him if they are looking into the stands every few seconds. I have never seen a quality player that does this at the NBA, college or high school level. Let the coach guide him during games and give him advice well after the game (car or at home) on how he or she can improve their overall game.

The most knowledgeable basketball parents (former or current coaches) usually go up to the top of the stands, sit and watch their son play. They understand that THEY are not the show and they usually also realize how difficult a coach's job is. The parent that is insecure (and is also usually the one who knows little about the sport) is the one in the second row that is screaming and yelling at every play. Good note for parents: let the Coach coach, let the team and your son play, be supportive and have a good time. If you keep it that simple, basketball will probably be better and more enjoyable throughout your family

Do I understand the Importance of Practicing Skills?

I was watching a NBA game a few weeks ago when the announcers proclaimed that today's kids play too much and don't practice enough. I couldn't agree more. I've come across players whose skills have eroded simply because all they do is play games. To obtain skills, one must work on their skills. Playing EVERY weekend four games and practicing twice a week with their teams (most teams only practice team concepts and plays), leaves little time to develop fundamental skills. A player needs CONTSTANT skill repetition to master those skills in game competition. Playing, playing and more playing only hampers individuals from achieving overall success. Players get stagnant and little development occurs. There must be a combination of repetitious practice and playing to improve one's skills.

Am I Supportive After Games?

It is essential that the parents are supportive toward your child, the team and coach after a game. Usually the child is already upset after a loss or poor performance. Direct the talk on how to become a better player and use positive (you got a great drive, you should you use it more often), rather than the negative (you were terrible). Remember the old saying "honey tastes a lot better than vinegar." It does work.

Notions On How To Be A SUPPORTIVE Parent

1. Encourage your child to have a long-term memory of their successes and a short-term memory of their failures (and you should do this to).
2. Evaluation should be based on progress, not their current position.
3. Remember, this is your child's activity. Let them pursue it at their own pace.
4. It takes time to appreciate the intricacies of any sport. Be patient with your child's enthusiasm and expect there to be "down" times.
5. Keep sports fun. The main thing is to go out and have fun together and let the sport be the medium, not the focus.
6. There is a direct relation between the amount of positive feedback you supply and both your child's enjoyment and performance.